.sitings.

Glory to God

2009-11-10T13:22:00.003-05:00

God has purposes far beyond our own comprehension. And sometimes, you can see exactly what His vision is and not feel like you even deserve to be a part of it.

Ever since April, Ben and I have been on a wild journey with God. We have seen miracles, signs, wonders, peace, struggle, confusion, and everything in between. But nothing and no one could ever prepare us for what is going on right now.

We have always known that our story is not exactly the "American dream". We haven't dated for 2 years. We aren't waiting until after college to get married. Ben didn't ask my dad for permission. Our families didn't jump up and down when we got engaged. We don't have full time jobs. We don't have financial stability.

In most people's eyes, we are totally out of our minds crazy. And I admit, I agree. But God has had a vision for both of us that seriously cannot be shaken, despite multiple attempts by others and ourselves.

In April, I told Ben after our first date that I couldn't date him unless he was willing and wanted to jump on a very fast train headed I don't know where with me. I think he knew exactly what I was talking about because God had been moving him too.

Since then, Ben and I have seen God shape us and change us and bring us close. In July, we got engaged and our entire world changed. I had a vision for my life, but now I was thinking about our life.

Ben and I planned our wedding for May of 2010. We had the date, the place, the time, everything... and then God closed the door HARD. So we started over and we thought, "Oh! Let's get married July 4th! That's when we got engaged!" The excitement started all over again and we couldn't have been more thrilled.

Then my old boss and dear mentor, Jeff Davidson, told me and Ben that we should get married in December of this year. We both laughed and just shrugged it off. (Hint: When God speaks through godly people...you may want to listen)

We then realized that Ben's old boss's husband and good friend of ours told Ben even before we were dating that he gave us 8 months until we were married (our wedding is 8 months and 2 days after our first date!). Once again, we just laughed and let it go.

During Vision Weekend at The River, God put a huge boulder in front of us. We both felt God saying "December, december, december..." and we broke down. We thought, "Ok, how is this going to work? And how many people are we going to make mad? And how are we going to provide for ourselves before we graduate? Where are we going to live? How would we have a wedding so close to my sisters' weddings?" etc, etc, etc.

Then the greatest peace that I've ever experienced took over any worry or concern I felt.

Ben and I surrendered our plans and our hopes so that God could start to work.

And yes, we have probably hurt some people because of our wedding. We know that this has not been easy for people and that this isn't what's easy for us either. If it were the "right" way, we would wait until after Ben graduates and do this when it's the "right" time.

We started planning our wedding the last week of October with a very small budget and limited resources of our own, but we told God that if December was when we were supposed to get married that God would provide.

Since we prayed, here is what God has done.

For the wedding:

-my family has voiced concern, but is supporting us

-Ben's family has voiced concern, but is supporting us

-decorations have been donated

-veil & shoes were given to me

-tuxedos got $20 off of each one and Ben's for free

-free invitation designs

-20% off printing invitations

-my dress was ordered on a Friday and came in 5 days later

-we got half off of our reception site

-we got the cleaning fees waived

-we got our flowers for half off

-we have someone doing music for free

-someone volunteered to alter my dress

For our life:

-Ben's parents have decided to pay for Ben's car insurance until he graduates

-it just so happens that our school money that we get back next semester is EXACTLY enough to pay for our rent from Jan-May

-our parents have shown us so much wisdom and encouragement

Here's the big thing. We knew that once January came, we would have rent covered. But how in the world are we going to pay for December?? We are both broke and don't see a silver lining for miraculously making $900.

So the prayer began.

We prayed about our property manager, what kind of place we wanted to live, in an area, for a vision and boy did God deliver!!!

Our property manager is a strong believer, young, a newly wed, and a church planter! The house is the perfect size. It is safe. And God gave us a vision for what He wants us to do there. It's not the vision that I thought it would be and it's not exactly what everyone else is doing either, but it's what we are handed.

We have a deposit due Thursday for the house. Last Saturday, Ben and I prayed that the $300 would be there if we were meant to get the house. Well, it just so happens that we got $200 cash at our wedding shower and that Ben was blessed with $100!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

We were on top of world and absolutely shocked at what God has done! But the worry of another $600 being due in three weeks shook us. So Ben and I just prayed.

God surely answered.

Yesterday my dear friend Jessica Dunlop called me and said, "Wow Amy, I'm so excited you got your deposit! But I have to tell you something..." Jessica rallied people together and in two days we have received $600 and our rent is PAID!!!!!!

Ben and I cannot even being to express the emotions running through us right now.

But I'm going to be quite frank. Ben and I don't deserve this money. We don't understand why this has all happened. We've been struggling with sin, distant from where God wants us, and selfish. Yet God is opening door after door after door for December to fall together perfectly.

We grieved this yesterday.

But what we learned is the gospel. Nothing we do or have done or will do can ever break God's plan. No, we don't deserve the vision He has given us and the amazing gifts that we have received, but the truth of the matter is... no one and nothing can punish us for our problems and we can't fix what we've done. More than anything, we want to. We both want to feel like we did something to make it right. We felt like we had to give up something or give something back in order to feel forgiveness.

The early church gave up everything they had for people who were in need. People that messed up. People that didn't even know they were messed up. God is bigger than our failures and He wants US to carry out His hope. Ben and I are absolutely overwhelmed and amazed at what God did through our friends, our family, and His body. I know that this is all a small (but HUGE) stepping stone to whatever God has for us next. I cannot believe that we serve a God that would take two small people like me and Ben and to care enough to provide for us and to help us succeed.

THANK YOU for being the Church. THANK YOU for listening to Him. THANK YOU for believing in Him enough to believe in us. THANK YOU for showing us that He is all you need.

"What do people really get for all their hard work? ¹⁰ I have seen the burden God has placed on us all. ¹¹ Yet God has made everything beautiful for its own time. He has planted eternity in the human heart, but even so, people cannot see the whole scope of God’s work from beginning to end. ¹² So I concluded there is nothing better than to be happy and enjoy ourselves as long as we can. ¹³ And people should eat and drink and enjoy the fruits of their labor, for these are gifts from God.

¹⁴ And I know that whatever God does is final. Nothing can be added to it or taken from it. God’s purpose is that people should fear him. ¹⁵ What is happening now has happened before, and what will happen in the future has happened before, because God makes the same things happen over and over again."

-Ecclesiastes 3: 9-15

His beauty

2009-05-05T18:37:00.003-04:00

I sought to see His strength,
Kindness covers my weary cares.
His heart beats hope,
My love finds longing.

Today's Inspiration

2009-04-29T07:55:00.001-04:00

April 29, 2009

Gracious Uncertainty

. . . it has not yet been revealed what we shall be . . . —1 John 3:2

Our natural inclination is to be so precise— trying always to forecast accurately what will happen next— that we look upon uncertainty as a bad thing. We think that we must reach some predetermined goal, but that is not the nature of the spiritual life. The nature of the spiritual life is that we are certain in our uncertainty. Consequently, we do not put down roots. Our common sense says, "Well, what if I were in that circumstance?" We cannot presume to see ourselves in any circumstance in which we have never been.

Certainty is the mark of the commonsense life— gracious uncertainty is the mark of the spiritual life. To be certain of God means that we are uncertain in all our ways, not knowing what tomorrow may bring. This is generally expressed with a sigh of sadness, but it should be an expression of breathless expectation. We are uncertain of the next step, but we are certain of God. As soon as we abandon ourselves to God and do the task He has placed closest to us, He begins to fill our lives with surprises. When we become simply a promoter or a defender of a particular belief, something within us dies. That is not believing God — it is only believing our belief about Him. Jesus said, ". . . unless you . . . become as little children . . ." (Matthew 18:3 ). The spiritual life is the life of a child. We are not uncertain of God, just uncertain of what He is going to do next. If our certainty is only in our beliefs, we develop a sense of self-righteousness, become overly critical, and are limited by the view that our beliefs are complete and settled. But when we have the right relationship with God, life is full of spontaneous, joyful uncertainty and expectancy. Jesus said, ". . . believe also in Me" (John 14:1 ), not, "Believe certain things about Me". Leave everything to Him and it will be gloriously and graciously uncertain how He will come in— but you can be certain that He will come. Remain faithful to Him.

Love in the face of fear.

2009-03-13T12:47:00.004-04:00

You are of God, little children, and have overcome them, because He who is in you is greater than he who is in the world.
They are of the world.

Therefore they speak as of the world, and the world hears them.

We are of God.
He who knows God hears us; he who is not of God does not hear us.
By this we know the spirit of truth and the spirit of error.
Beloved, let us love one another, for love is of God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God.
He who does not love does not know God, for God is love.
In this the love of God was manifested toward us, that God has sent His only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through Him.
In this is love, not that we loved God, but that He loved us and sent His Son to be the propitiation for our sins.
Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another.
No one has seen God at any time.
If we love one another, God abides in us, and His love has been perfected in us.
By this we know that we abide in Him, and He in us, because He has given us of His Spirit.
And we have seen and testify that the Father has sent the Son as Savior of the world.
Whoever confesses that Jesus is the Son of God, God abides in him, and he in God.
And we have known and believed the love that God has for us.
God is love, and he who abides in love abides in God, and God in him.
Love has been perfected among us in this: that we may have boldness in the day of judgment; because as He is, so are we in this world.
There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment.
But he who fears has not been made perfect in love. We love Him because He first loved us.
-1 John 4:4-19

This is a hard excerpt from scripture to swallow. The end message is that HE LOVES US, but the first part means we actually have to acknowledge that we know He loves us... and sometimes that's hard to do. We often don't see ourselves as His beloved little children. I don't think I've ever woken up thinking... "I am God's beloved little child." Most of the time I wake up thanking God for who He is, but never considering how He may feel about ME, His child.

It would be a lie to run away from it.

I've been finding it difficult to pull things to the surface. We spend each day surrounded by tasks and interactions with people and to do lists and maybe a friendly conversation or two. It's not too often that I (or others) really sit down and get to the meat of it all. That's what love is. If God is love, then those conversations are essential. God gets down to the bare bone with us because He LOVES US, and in turn, we should do that for one another.

I think the Bible calls it out perfectly - it's fear that paralyzes us from love.

I know I've put some thoughts out there, and to be honest - I don't have an answer for this. I guess that's why I've put it out here... for your input. This is been stretching in my brain the past couple days. Let me know what you think.

Pathways

2009-02-25T13:10:00.007-05:00

Right now I'm going through the study of "A 30-Day Walk with God in the Psalms" by Nancy Leigh DeMoss. So far it's been amazing journey. Right now we're walking through Psalm 19 and it's probably been the most impacting for me.

Oh how I wish to be the simple made wise. David's desire to be close to the Lord is contagious when you read how beautifully he puts his excitement for the joy of Him.

How often do I radiate His law? I pray that the breeze of the Spirit takes over me as I strive to be well pleasing to Him.

Psalm 19
¹ The heavens declare the glory of God;
the skies proclaim the work of his hands.

² Day after day they pour forth speech;
night after night they display knowledge.

³ There is no speech or language
where their voice is not heard.

⁴ Their voice goes out into all the earth,
their words to the ends of the world.
In the heavens he has pitched a tent for the sun,

⁵ which is like a bridegroom coming forth from his pavilion,
like a champion rejoicing to run his course.

⁶ It rises at one end of the heavens
and makes its circuit to the other;
nothing is hidden from its heat.

⁷ The law of the LORD is perfect,
reviving the soul.
The statutes of the LORD are trustworthy,
making wise the simple.

⁸ The precepts of the LORD are right,
giving joy to the heart.
The commands of the LORD are radiant,
giving light to the eyes.

⁹ The fear of the LORD is pure,
enduring forever.
The ordinances of the LORD are sure
and altogether righteous.

¹⁰ They are more precious than gold,
than much pure gold;
they are sweeter than honey,
than honey from the comb.

¹¹ By them is your servant warned;
in keeping them there is great reward.

¹² Who can discern his errors?
Forgive my hidden faults.

¹³ Keep your servant also from willful sins;
may they not rule over me.
Then will I be blameless,
innocent of great transgression.

¹⁴ May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart
be pleasing in your sight,
O LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer.

Updates!

2009-02-18T12:38:00.002-05:00

Well, it's been a while since I've blogged. To be honest, I'm not sure anyone reads it anyway...??? Ha, that's ok. If you are reading, here's updates!

My move to Franklin is inching closer!! It's a little over 2 months away and there is a ton of work to be done. We have a lot to do at the house to get it ready... painting, cleaning, putting stuff in the attic, gardening!!! (the back yard is so bad..) and so much more! But we are so excited!

In the midst of getting ready to move, I'm trying to think of a way to bless the people here in Cookeville that have meant a lot to me. People that have really impacted me and been there for me in the past 2 years. Any ideas?

I'm really going to miss this small town. Just popping in The Way With Coffee everyday and knowing each person there and just living life with them.. it's been so cool. It's the best coffee shop I've ever been to. The community is wonderful.

The biggest thing I'm going to miss is being a part of the staff here at The River. These people have been my family. I've learned so much from them. This is the closest Biblical church I've ever seen. God has such a huge hand on this church, it's crazy. Since our start 7 years ago, we've gone from 2 families to now averaging 850 people each week. But it's not about PEOPLE... it's about JESUS. And man... He has done huge things here. It's humbling to see how everyone is dedicated to what God wants and how God can use people's chioce to surrender to His will. It's scary to think that this may be the only time I see God using a church like this. But I pray everyday for Steve's vision of 5555 to become a reality. It's becoming a reality, but it will take some time.

For those of you who don't know about 5555.... In the next 32 years, we feel that God has called us to initiate the following...
5,000 disciples in Putnam County
500 new churches in TN
50 hubb churches (1 per state) that will do the same
5 countries that we will adopt

It's been cool to see how God has already begun this! So far we have 850 disciples, 6 churches in TN, 2 churches in other states, and 3 nations that we've adopted. It's time to start the charge!!

For more info, visit www.therivercc.com.

Let the revolution begin! It begins with us.

Etchings

2009-02-03T00:01:00.002-05:00

I've been slowly etching out a larger picture. Digging deeply, strategically choosing my direction, carefully placing each mark where it belongs in effort to create a cohesive drawing.

I feel like this "picture" is almost complete. When I moved to Cookeville, I was so young in my faith, slow to take action, lonely, confused. Since then, God has given me so much direction. People have invested in my life, teaching me who I am, where I belong, how to live. God has given me opportunities to explore my endless possibilities, given me a passion for an area of study, developed life-long friendships for the record books, opened my eyes, and so much more. I couldn't even begin to try to explain it all.

As I feel this chapter of my life coming closer to the next step, I feel that God has helped me make some major decisions. I would like to happily announce that I am moving back to Franklin the first week of May. I'll be moving into the house I grew up in with my twin sister Andrea and her fiance Lynn. I am so thrilled to be living under the same roof with my two best friends in the world.

Along with that, I will be a part of a church plant in Nashville. Along with some amazing people, I am excited to see how God is going to take us FORWARD.

--> Forward Church

2009-01-22T10:12:00.002-05:00

"I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. The creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed. For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God.

We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the first fruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently.

In the same way, the Spirit helps us in our weakness. We do not know what we ought to pray for, but the Spirit himself intercedes for us with groans that words cannot express. And he who searches our hearts knows the mind of the Spirit, because the Spirit intercedes for the saints in accordance with God's will."

-Romans 8:18-27

Thoughts

2009-01-14T17:07:00.000-05:00

My random 2 cents:
Jesus loves us SO much. His love is STRONG, stronger than anything else. It knows so bounds. Sometimes - in the midst of busyness or in the calm, Jesus just wants us to shut up! He wants our undivided attention and He wants us to HEAR Him, not guess what He may say.

Challenge!

2009-01-12T22:35:00.003-05:00

Pick 15 of your favorite movies.
Go to IMDB and find a quote from each movie.
Post them in a note for everyone to guess.
Strike it out when someone guesses correctly and put who guessed and the movie.
No Google, or using IMDB search functions. That's cheating and it ruins the fun.

1. "I came here tonight because when you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible."

2. "______ has a strange feeling of absolute harmony. It's a perfect moment. A soft light, a scent in the air, the quiet murmur of the city. A surge of love, an urge to help mankind overcomes her. You're gorgeous when you blush. Like a wild flower."

3. "You love me? Enough to travel the world with you until one of us has to take an honest job... which I think is going to have to be you, because I have no idea what an honest job is."

4. "If you can paint I can walk- anything can happen, right?"

5. "That was the best vacation ever! I love our family."

6. "In my world everyone is a pony, and they all eat rainbows, and poop butterflies."

7. "I want to call her Bazouka."

8. "And we were dressed from head to toe in love... the only label that never goes out of style."

9. "Hold fast to the human inside of you, and you'll survive."

10. "I can't hear you, you're trailing off and did I catch a niner in there? Were you calling from a walkie-talkie?"

11. "You see, their morals, their code, it's a bad joke. Dropped at the first sign of trouble. They're only as good as the world allows them to be. I'll show you. When the chips are down, these... these civilized people, they'll eat each other. See, I'm not a monster. I'm just ahead of the curve."

12. "The world is changed. I feel it in the water. I feel it in the earth. I smell it in the air. Much that once was is lost, for none now live who remember it."

13. "I have struggled in vain and I can bear it no longer. These past months have been a torment. I came to Rosings with the single object of seeing you... I had to see you. I have fought against my better judgment, my family's expectations, the inferiority of your birth by rank and circumstance. All these things I am willing to put aside and ask you to end my agony."

14. "Well I ain't sorry for you no more, ya crazy, psalm-singing, skinny old maid!"

15. "And I am telling you/ I'm not going./ You're the best man I'll ever know./ There's no way I can ever go./ No, no, no, no way... / No, no, no, no way I'm living without you./ I'm not living without you./ I don't want to be free./ I'm staying, I'm staying,/ And you, and you,/ you're gonna love me."

Disturb

2009-01-08T10:01:00.002-05:00

Yesterday at our staff meeting we began a new routine of how the meeting will operate. Of course we will still do some of the same ol' things we have to do, but at the end of every staff meeting, we've decided to do some type of leadership training.

Near the end of our meeting yesterday Steve put in a video from the Catalyst Conference in 2007. We listened to Craig Groeschel's message on letting God disturb us. It was one of the most powerful messages I've ever heard, and the one I needed to hear right then. Some of the quotes that really moved me were:

"If you take the blame for the decrease in numbers at your church, you make start to take credit for the increase."

"Practical Atheism: believing that God exists, but living as though He doesn't. It is also believing that God exists, and running your ministry as though He doesn't."

"What has happened when you begin to be a full time pastor and a part time follower of Christ?"

Craig was so honest in everything he said. He openly admitted his disobedience and laziness with God at times in his life. He spoke about how his sermons on Sundays would be built upon how to impress the congregation or how he could make the "perfect" three point sermon on how to overcome "_______". His main point was simply a question, "What DISTURBS you?" You have to ask God to disturb you.

This sermon has truly made me question my own life... am I a practical atheist? Do I live my life everyday in light of God's existence?

You can watch Craig's sermon series on practical atheism on iTunes for FREE!!! Just look up "Practical Atheism".

Same.

2009-01-05T23:46:00.001-05:00

"The same power that conquered the grave lives within me. His love that rescued the world lives inside of me."
-my very good friend Candace Smith

It's all...

2009-01-02T23:48:00.002-05:00

Changing.

Things are changing.

Welcome 2009. Things look so differently already, but I am patiently awaiting what else this year may bring. In the meantime, all I can do is hold on for dear life and pray that each day I learn something that I didn't know before. I hope for hope. I pray for hope. I live in hope. I act out of hope.

Affection grows humility.

Feliz Navidad

2008-12-22T23:01:00.002-05:00

Feliz Navidad a todos! Me hace feliz de ver a personas vivas.

This season is filled with so much... some good, some bad, some boring, some busy, it's never ending. I look forward to seeing my family happy. It seems like everyone is at a point in their life where they are all settling in somewhere and it just puts so much joy in my heart to know they're happy.

I am so thankful to be celebrating the birth of love.

2008-12-12T19:07:00.003-05:00

I watch the sea creep round the corner
It connects the dots from here to you
The sunlight burning through the loose flags
Painted high on white church walls
I chase my blood from brain to thumped heart
Until I'm out of breath for trying

Worry not everything is sound
This is the safest place you've found
The only noise beating out is ours
Lacing our tea from honey jars

These accidents of faith and nature
They tend to stick in the spokes of you
But every now and then the trend bucks
And you're repaired by more than glue

Worry not everything is sound
This is the safest place you've found
The only noise beating out is ours
Lacing our tea from honey jars

Why don't you rest your fragile bones
A minute ago you looked alone
Stop waving your arms you're safe and dry
Breathe in and drink up the winter sky

Slowly the day breaks apart in our hands
And soft hallelujahs flow in from the church
The one on the corner you said frightened you
It was too dark and too large to find your soul in

Something was bound to go right sometime today
All these broken pieces fit together to make a perfect picture of us
It got cold and then dark so suddenly and rained
It rained so hard the two of us were the only thing
That we could see for miles and miles

And in the middle of the flood I felt my worth
When you held onto me like I was your little life raft
Please know that you were mine as well
Drops of water hit the ground like God's own tears
And spread out into shapes like
Salad bowls and basins and buckets for bailing out the flood

As motionless cars rust on driveways and curbs
You take off your raincoat and stretch out your arms
We both laugh out loud and surrender to it
The sheer force of sky and the cold magnet Earth

Dear God

2008-12-11T18:41:00.001-05:00

These totally made my day.

Shine Out

2008-12-08T12:27:00.001-05:00

As a fellow TPC goer, I'm sincerely stoked about the new album coming out. I know they all worked really hard and have a huge passion for this. Go out and get the album next week!!!

. el nuevo .

2008-12-07T23:11:00.002-05:00

As you can see, I've changed things up a bit. (Not that I have a huge readership to notice...)
I'm thrilled for the Christmas season. It's a great reason to celebrate the hope we have and the family we are blessed with. I've officially pulled out some good Bing Crosby, Josh Groban, and many other classic Christmas artists. The cold weather is amazing.

I don't have much to say, but I'll leave you with a thought.

"It's not about geography or happenstance, you need to fly and take a chance."

desert song

2008-11-25T07:54:00.000-05:00

Desert Song
by Hillsong

This is my prayer in the desert
And all that's within me feels dry
This is my prayer in the hunger in me
My God is a God who provides

And this is my prayer in the fire
In weakness or trial or pain
There is a faith proved
Of more worth than gold
So refine me Lord through the flames

And I will bring praise
I will bring praise
No weapon forged against me shall remain

I will rejoice
I will declare
God is my victory and He is here

And this is my prayer in the battle
And triumph is still on it's way
I am a conqueror and co-heir with Christ
So firm on His promise I'll stand

All of my life
In every season
You are still God
I have a reason to sing
I have a reason to worship

This is my prayer in the harvest
When favor and providence flow
I know I'm filled to be empited again
The seed I've received I will sow

Nostalgia

2008-11-24T18:09:00.004-05:00

Here's some photographs from days that cannot be forgotten. I love these people!

blogs

2008-11-18T18:13:00.000-05:00

So... everyone is vamping up their blogs. Does that I'm suppose to as well? :)
Chad, Jen, Nina... all your blogs look great! Maybe I'll start looking for new looks...

something I'm working on...

2008-11-16T23:31:00.003-05:00

You see colors everywhere
Pleasing to the eye, exciting, thrilling
Overwhelmed by the senses and fluttered with joy
Imagining picture after picture, slide after slide

Things were never black and white
Hazy dark tones and bleak light shining
The possibilities endlessly fly through your mind
No end in sight, no reason to worry

Not noticing the black and white
Tiling in my mind as you gaze aimlessly
Ignorance is bliss, as you say
But the aftermath of bliss falls softly away

As I scale off those glasses in your 3D wonder world
Newspaper headings boldly enter and stay
Your colorful painting stands torn and faded
Yet my colors are just now blooming elated

just as.

2008-11-11T09:59:00.004-05:00

"Life is way too short to scream and shout."
-Snow Patrol

While I was in Mississippi this weekend I got to snap a few shots. It was so beautiful there. We were in the middle of absolute nowhere, but it was refreshing to know that we are part of something absolutely huge. Just the culture of America varies so much and it can change in a moment's notice.

I feel like I'm finally beginning to pace myself again. It seems as though I was at a dead stop, but through prayer, time with my family, & my wonderful friends, I feel as though God has given me strength to start running again.

This "journey" we call life is one of the greatest gifts.

So what am I doing with it?

the purpose of it all

2008-11-05T07:54:00.002-05:00

I came across this article this morning and found it very interesting. You may want to take a couple minutes to really read it, because it explains some things that aren't mentioned often.

Church - it is time to STEP UP. It is not the government's job to take care of this nation, it is OUR job.

What are we doing to change?

© 1999 James A. Fowler You are free to download this outline provided it remains intact without alteration. You are also free to transmit this outline electronically provided that you do so in its entirety with proper citation of authorship included.
GOVERNMENT

I. Authority of Government

A. God is ultimate authority - Rom. 13:1
1. God is omnipotent
2. God is sovereign - Ps. 75:7; Dan. 4:34
B. God has instituted human government - Rom. 13:1; Prov. 8:15,16
1. Not merely "social compact" or "consent of governed" or "will of majority"
2. Jesus recognized authority of government
a. Caesar - Matt. 22:15-22
b. Pilate - Matt. 26:59; 27:1; John 19:11
c. Herod
d. High priest
e. Sanhedrin
C. Human government answerable to God
1. servants of God - Rom. 13:6
2. judged of God for failure to act in God's authority - Ps. 2:2-6,10; Rev. 17-20
D. Authority of government not dependent on moral character of leadership
E. Form of government
1. No particular form of government advocated - theocracy, autocracy, democracy
2. God is a God of order.
3. Any form of government better than no government, anarchy, chaos Judges 17:6; 21:25

II. Function of Government

A. Administration of justice
1. judge with righteousness - Ps. 72:2
2. crush the oppressor - Ps. 72:4
3. rescue from oppression and violence - Ps. 72:14
4. avenger who brings wrath on those practice evil -Rom. 13:4
5. punishment of evildoers - I Peter 2:14
6. use the sword - Rom. 13:4
7. law and order
8. government has right and obligation to resist overthrow, punish treason, defend itself
B. General welfare of citizens
1. vindicate the afflicted, care for needy - Ps. 72:4
2. compassion for poor and needy - Ps. 72:13; Jere 22:16
3. bring peace - Ps. 72:3
4. praise of those who do right - Rom. 13:3; I Peter 2:14 (moral standards?)
5. to allow for tranquil and quiet life - I Tim. 2:2
6. public health and education?
7. philanthropic activities?

III. Responsibility to Government

A. Respect and honor toward government - Rom. 13:7
B. Submit to government - Rom 13:1; Titus 3:1; I Pet. 2:13
C. Pay taxes to government - Lk. 20:25; Rom. 13:6,7
D. Pray for government - I Tim. 2:2
E. Serve in military?
F. Serve in public office?

IV. Disobedience of Government

A. Authority of government is not unlimited.
1. Not blind patriotism, "my country, right or wrong"
2. Absolute, unqualified subjection due only to absolute, unqualified authority of God.
B. Human government usurps God's authority when demands subjection to laws contrary to
God's character and expectations.
C. Legitimate cause for civil disobedience - Acts 5:29
1. Not mere personal disagreement with ideology or policies
2. Biblical examples
a. Daniel - prayer - Dan. 6
b. Peter - preaching - Acts 5:27-30
c. Paul - Acts 16:35-40; Acts 17:7
D. Resist government, resist God - Rom. 13:2
1. Is there ever legitimate time to resist, oppose, revolt, rebel, undermine, subvert in insurrection,
overthrow of government?

The Fog

2008-11-03T23:01:00.003-05:00

Sunday morning I was driving back to Cookeville from Smithville. I had spent the weekend with my family at my dad's new lakehouse. It was the most meaningful drive of my life.

I've been struggling a lot in my life recently. It's not so much that the world has come crashing down or anything, but that I have. It's not the kind of crashing where you need the shock treatment to keep me from dying or something, but more like a degenerative disease that will slowly kill you without healing and treatment.

Now don't just stop reading and think I'm a psycho path, because I'm not literally saying I'm diseased or something... but I think all of our hearts are on one level or another.

Anyways, so I was driving. The leaves were so beautiful. Some trees were completely orange, some yellow, some deep red, some brown and dying, some still lush green. It was reminding me how God makes everything beautiful in its own time.

As I pulled out of the driveway, there's a massive downward, then upward hill. The fog was so heavy, I couldn't see a thing in front of me. I turned on my lights, I slowed down, I put on the defrost... nothing helped. The fog just sat there, paralyzing me from speeding off the way I was hoping.. you know.. driving so fast and feeling the wind blow and just forgetting about "life" and just enjoying the moment.

It hit me just as hard as the fog did. I can't see a thing in front of me. On the road, and in life. I try so hard to just drive faster and just get through it, and forget that I don't even know where I'm going... it could be off a cliff for all I know. I know that God did that on purpose.

He sees the road, but He only reveals so much when the time is right. The only job we have is to slow down enough to let Him show us where we go next.

I'm relying on His grace everyday, hoping and praying for the changes to eventually begin.

moderation

2008-10-29T23:02:00.002-05:00

Praises:
-my sisters
-the joy of soaking in scripture
-late night Waffle House runs with Bethany :)
-cute kids... Rain & Sage
-the new Lovedrug album

.true.

2008-10-27T22:35:00.002-05:00

I believe in His promises. In fact, I'm relying on them quite heavily. The way life is changing it's the only thing I can make sense of.

Joshua 24:16-24
But Joshua said to the people, “You cannot serve the LORD, for He is a holy God. He is a jealous God; He will not forgive your transgressions nor your sins. If you forsake the LORD and serve foreign gods, then He will turn and do you harm and consume you, after He has done you good.” And the people said to Joshua, “No, but we will serve the LORD!” So Joshua said to the people, “You are witnesses against yourselves that you have chosen the LORD for yourselves, to serve Him.” And they said, “We are witnesses!” “Now therefore,” he said, “put away the foreign gods which are among you, and incline your heart to the LORD God of Israel.” And the people said to Joshua, “The LORD our God we will serve, and His voice we will obey!”

Introducing...

2008-10-20T07:39:00.003-04:00

Maddy Dinsmore

elephants

2008-10-16T00:00:00.002-04:00

It's beginning to rain

I won't live for you
or die for you
or do anything for you anymore
because you leave me here on the other side

2008-10-12T16:54:00.005-04:00

The new Rachael Yamagata album came out and let me just tell you...
it's amazing.
This is one for the record books. Go out and support her!
It's called Elephants... Teeth Sinking into Heart.

It's not about geography or happenstance
You need to fly and take a chance
You don't need to soar to emptiness
Float on high and forever dance alone

You're scared
Scared
Scared 'cause I feel like home

Over and over and over and over again
Let it rain, let it rain
Over and over and over and over again
Let it rain, let it rain I need within the storm
So happy ending come
And bring the winds that scream
And spill the fog all over time
And break through every door
And strip away between
And raise the rivers high
Just help me drown
And hold me in your standstill ground
I will sit down
And you'll be washed away
You'll be washed away

October

2008-10-09T13:32:00.000-04:00

Raining in Baltimore by Counting Crows

This circus is falling down on its knees
The big top is crumbling down
It's raining in Baltimore fifty miles east
Where you should be, no one's around
I need a phone call
I need a raincoat
I need a big love
I need a phone call
These train conversations are passing me by
And I don't have nothing to say
You get what you pay for
But I just had no intention of living this way
I need a phone call
I need a plane ride
I need a sunburn
I need a raincoat
And I get no answers
And I don't get no change
It's raining in Baltimore, baby
But everything else is the same
There's things I remember and things I forget
I miss you
I guess that I should
Three thousand five hundred miles away
But what would you change if you could?
I need a phone call
Maybe I should buy a new car
I can always hear a freight train
If I listen real hard
And I wish it was a small world
Because I'm lonely for the big towns
I'd like to hear a little guitar
I think it's time to put the top down
I need a phone call
I need a raincoat

The beauty of renewal

2008-10-06T21:40:00.002-04:00

Habakkuk 3:

A prayer of the prophet Habakkuk, with orchestra: God, I've heard what our ancestors say about you,
and I'm stopped in my tracks, down on my knees.
Do among us what you did among them.
Work among us as you worked among them.
And as you bring judgment, as you surely must,
remember mercy.

God's on his way again,
retracing the old salvation route,
Coming up from the south through Teman,
the Holy One from Mount Paran.
Skies are blazing with his splendor,
his praises sounding through the earth,
His cloud-brightness like dawn, exploding, spreading,
forked-lightning shooting from his hand—
what power hidden in that fist!
Plague marches before him,
pestilence at his heels!
He stops. He shakes Earth.
He looks around. Nations tremble.
The age-old mountains fall to pieces;
ancient hills collapse like a spent balloon.
The paths God takes are older
than the oldest mountains and hills.
I saw everyone worried, in a panic:
Old wilderness adversaries,
Cushan and Midian, were terrified,
hoping he wouldn't notice them.

God, is it River you're mad at?
Angry at old River?
Were you raging at Sea when you rode
horse and chariot through to salvation?
You unfurled your bow
and let loose a volley of arrows.
You split Earth with rivers.
Mountains saw what was coming.
They twisted in pain.
Flood Waters poured in.
Ocean roared and reared huge waves.
Sun and Moon stopped in their tracks.
Your flashing arrows stopped them,
your lightning-strike spears impaled them.
Angry, you stomped through Earth.
Furious, you crushed the godless nations.
You were out to save your people,
to save your specially chosen people.
You beat the stuffing
out of King Wicked,
Stripped him naked
from head to toe,
Set his severed head on his own spear
and blew away his army.
Scattered they were to the four winds—
and ended up food for the sharks!
You galloped through the Sea on your horses,
racing on the crest of the waves.
When I heard it, my stomach did flips.
I stammered and stuttered.
My bones turned to water.
I staggered and stumbled.
I sit back and wait for Doomsday
to descend on our attackers.

Though the cherry trees don't blossom
and the strawberries don't ripen,
Though the apples are worm-eaten
and the wheat fields stunted,
Though the sheep pens are sheepless
and the cattle barns empty,
I'm singing joyful praise to God.
I'm turning cartwheels of joy to my Savior God.
Counting on God's Rule to prevail,
I take heart and gain strength.
I run like a deer.
I feel like I'm king of the mountain!

(For congregational use, with a full orchestra.)

can I get an Amen??

Ok - I never do that.. the whole "amen" thing... but it is well deserved.

The Lord will repay what the locust took away. always. without a doubt.

God just always knows exactly what I need, when I need it. Simple things like catching up with old friends that I miss so much. Like providing me with 2 amazing jobs that I feel so stable in. Like giving me classes that are hard, but totally worth it because I'm learning a TON. Like my amazing family that I miss dearly. Like local friends that stay with you when your roommate is out of town. Like people just say "I love you" for no particular reason, but because they think you need to hear it.

That's His love for ya.

.amor.

2008-09-29T22:35:00.002-04:00

What is the definition of love? And how many times have people asked that? Or thought it? Or discussed it? Or stayed up at night wondering when it would happen? Or what you did to lose it? Or how you can find it? Or why it's a mystery.

Because it is.. it is a mystery.

It's like a known, a word used chronically, but the greatest unknown.

How could anyone ever feel like they know what love is? Love has unlimited meanings. It is limitless.

You can write love, feel love, sing love, scream love, act love, be love, show love, take love, steal love, make love, sow love, dream love... it's crazy how much love was, is and will be.

It's one of the only things that has been in existence since before time began.

I personally had my first encounter with love as a baby. My parents loved me. My sisters loved me. My family loved me. But as you grow up, you see the other side of love. You experience when people choose not love one another, but do much the opposite. Then comes your first "real" love. Whatever that may look like. And most of the time, your "first love" ends. Then you doubt the love that you have for yourself. Then love becomes a mystery where you suddenly become confused on if you even believe it exists.

This is a strange blog for me. Because I'm not a "mushy", "girly" kind of person.

But this has been on my heart.

Love is not defined by what we think it is. It was, is, and will be as it is now until the end of time, whether we realize it or not.

I am finally beginning to let love show me what it is.
To let God show me what love is.
To let Him give me what love is.

Love is not what we dream of when we're little girls trying on our mother's shoes and imagining what our wedding will be like.

Love is what the Savior has done in order for us to even receive love.

The rest is the mystery, but love is not a mystery.

dreamer

2008-09-21T19:56:00.004-04:00

Love woke me up this morning
With a memory
Love came and whispered a story
That awakened a dream

Imagine a beautiful castle
And a beautiful king
He left the comfort of his throne
To fight for victory

I am a dreamer
Take me higher
Open the sky up
Start a fire
I believe
Even if it's just a dream

Love woke me up this morning
And I ran to see
The king in the winners' circle
On the horse he won for me

Only a king would do anything
To protect the kingdom

-Bethany Dillon

la manana temprana

2008-09-10T08:06:00.005-04:00

It's very early. And the sun is rising. It's beautiful, I love days like this. Nothing compliments more than a great big cup of coffee.

River Constantine by Jars of Clay:
Carry me, Your love is wider than my need could ever be
Come to me, and I will walk along Your shore
Feel Your crashing waves sing in time with the music of my heart

Pour out, come down on me
Pour out, come down on me

River deep, could I know You as well as You know me
Constantine, will we travel faster, farther than these
Legs could ever trustworthy be

Pour out, come down on me
Come down, pour out on me

Come down, pour out on me
Come down, pour out on me

Life's fatalities

2008-09-09T10:51:00.006-04:00

When life hands you lemons, don't just make lemonade and call it quits. It's not that easy.

I know what you're thinking... yes it is... just pick yourself up and move on to make someone great out of something that wasn't ideal.

That's not always true.

My life is not in a bad place, a medicore place, or anything besides wonderful... because my life is wonderful, BUT!!.... the whole making lemonade thing hasn't really cut it.

I guess I see life much more of a progression than seeing things that just happen and are over... happen and are over... happen and are over again...

God has a plan. Not just an idea or a thought of a somewhat sketched out thing that may happen but is drawn in pencil just in case... it's not like that. He has a PLAN. A will. Step by step guide. It's written in sharpie.

Things that we see as life fatalities are not bad at all, actually... they're quite good. God is teaching us! He doesn't waste His time teaching people that are unteachable! Obviously He sees something in us to want to invest in... I think that's incredible.

I feel like I'm in a "teaching" place in my life. I'm trying not to let the little things get to me, but someone else's mistake is my next step in my journey to grow with God. I know that no one is "out to get me". God's just using others to help me practice patience and grace.

I know that was kinda random.. but it was my thought.

On another note...

My best friend Jessica Dunlop and Brian Baker are officially engaged!!!! OH I'm so excited... they are an amazing couple after God's heart and they have an incredible love story. AND!!... I'm going to be a bridesmaid. I'm so honored to help my best friend with her wedding and get to walk this road with her. I also think it's pretty incredible that Jessica didn't want any certain style or ring but a conflict-free ring instead. It means that no one was under violent or bad labor conditions in order to get the diamonds. Have you seen Blood Diamond??... same concept. Anyways, I thought it was pretty neat. Congrats Jess & B-Rian!!!!!!

Black & Blue

2008-09-07T20:40:00.003-04:00

Make us feel new again, Lord.
Oh love, won't You come and take me in Your arms and dance with me and make me feel alive again?
You know when you have a bruise that hurts even when you barely touch it and it's so tender that the pain just kind of pierces? We all have tender spots in our hearts where DUH, it's obvious you are hurting... bruises are physically visible for a reason... but you try to act like everything is ok?? I really believe that Jesus can literally touch your bruise and it disappear. When we try to take care of it on our own it takes a long time to go away and it turns all sorts of colors and can be very painful... but Jesus can instantly take it away. I've been realizing that in my life and been feeling the healing of Jesus.
Last night I went to the Nashville Symphony and it just blew me away. The music is beyond amazing, the sound incredible, and the atmosphere elegant. My mom, my grandma and I dressed up and had the time of our lives. I love them so much and it was so good to enjoy my favorite thing with them next to me.
I'm sorry I don't have anything too insightful to say... more to come :)

Red lipstick & a funky hairdo

2008-09-02T10:49:00.002-04:00

Right now I'm at The Way With Coffe e. There's nothing like good 20's music, smooth coffee, a wheat bagel with cream cheese, antique furniture, and a calm atmosphere to interrupt your day :)

This has become my haven in Cookeville. Before, I would sit at Fido all day doing homework, people watch, and just be... but this is totally different. And definitely amazing!

As of lately, my life has been taciturn. Not in the sense that nothing is going on, but that I haven't felt the need or desire to spill my guts to people... and the strange thing is... it's been wonderful. God has been speaking to my heart so strongly and I've just been relying on Him day after day. It's a beautiful thing: the growing of a relationship. Much like when you first fall in love and you have butterflies everytime you talk to that person or get chill bumps when they happen to brush your hand. I'm not in the begin of a relationship with Jesus, but I'm in a new place. It's honestly a place I never thought I'd get to... or even imagine. He's actually real to me. He's alive and very active... He's teaching me and deepening my knowledge and comprehension.

In the past week, it would be hard to even write down all the divine appointments that have happened. God has just been strategically placing me and other people at certain places at specific times and doing His work EVERYWHERE! Often times, multiple people in one place on the same day. It's crazy! Why do we underestimate God's plan so much when He's working on it every moment?!

Lately I feel like in a way people that I'm close to have seen me as distant, but really the case couldn't be more opposite. I've really been able to branch out more than I'm even comfortable with and I've felt so much freedom from my own self insecurities. New people have been placed in my life for a reason and I'm just thrilled to be able to get to know them and hear their story and be able to talk about things that actually matter but also feel comfortable enough to just laugh. Even if it's not about anything in particular. I went through a long period without laughing and man... it is God's medicine for our hurts. How many times do we forget to laugh?

Here's some of the scripture that's been on my heart lately:

Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain. (-1 Corinthians 15:38)
"Even now," declares the LORD, "return to me with all your heart, with fasting and weeping and mourning. Rend your heart and not your garments. Return to the LORD your God, for he is gracious and compassionate, slow to anger and abounding in love, and he relents from sending calamity." (-Joel 2:12,13)
I led them with cords of human kindness, with ties of love; I lifted the yoke from their neck and bent down to feed them. (Hosea 11:4)
But we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all-surpassing power is from God and not from us. We are hard pressed on every side, but not crushed; perplexed, but not in despair; persecuted, but not abandoned; struck down, but not destroyed. We always carry around in our body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be revealed in our body. For we who are alive are always being given over to death for Jesus' sake, so that his life may be revealed in our mortal body. So then, death is at work in us, but life is at work in you. (-2 Corinthians 4:7-12)
"I tell you, my friends, do not be afraid of those who kill the body and after that can do no more. But I will show you whom you should fear: Fear him who, after the killing of the body, has power to throw you into hell. Yes, I tell you, fear him. Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God. Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don't be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows. (-Luke 12:4-7

This weekend, my mom came to visit me. It was so good to have her here and to just watch movies and eat good food and talk about life. Also, we got to go to Burgess Falls!! Here's a couple pictures I took of my beautiful mother, my hero.

To: Nina

2008-08-30T18:02:00.004-04:00

Here's an updated picture :)

I'm so happy for DJ & Amanda... their wedding was AWESOME!!!!

absentee

2008-08-24T18:11:00.002-04:00

I'm sorry that I haven't blogged lately! I guess in a way things have been going on lately that I've just chosen to keep private. Nothing terrible or anything, but I guess I've been more reserved. I've somewhat lost interest in the internet all together. I haven't spent much time on facebook or twitter or anything else for that matter.

No worries - I'm back! :)

Last night I went to DJ & Amanda's wedding and it was absolutely beautiful! They carried on some great traditions but also made it unique to them. Everything went very smoothly and they had a blast! I'm so happy for them!

School starts tomorrow... already. I just can't believe it's already here!! I keep praying for God to work a miracle this semester. He's moving so much in our college/young adult ministry and I can't wait to see what else is in store!

Amy recommends:

Winter, Fall, Summer & Spring EPs by Jon Foreman
Soul Revolution by John Burke
Grace the Legacy by Jeff Buckley
Emma Brown by Claire Boylan
living life with a smile :)

laughter

2008-08-17T22:33:00.002-04:00

+spending time with wonderful friends
+Veggie Tales :)
+a new kitten... her name is Jane Austen. My other cat is Charles Dickens.
+Rising Above (a ministry for special needs families) and the amazing service we had Saturday night
+a new job
+my family. I love them so much and miss them already.

meditation

2008-08-11T23:53:00.002-04:00

In the past few days, so much has been swirling in my head. I've been overwhelmed with emotion, which I usually don't even have. A lot of people tend to think of me as insensitive sometimes and I'll admit... I'm quick to just "get over it." But I haven't lately. Not in the least bit. I'm not dwelling on one particular thing or issue... but I can't seem to get a hold of my thoughts. (If that makes sense at all.) But I've been listening to the seasons of Jon Foreman. He's the lead singer of Switchfoot. He took a break from the band and came out with four EPs; one for each season. They are incredible. I've been meditating on three specific songs and they have really spoken to me. The basis for his EPs, at least how I've interpreted them, is all about just... feeling alive. Feeling God's presence... feeling pain... feeling joy... just living life in the moment and actually taking in what's going on in that particular time of life.

I've come to realize that a lot of times I just fly by life and I don't even blink to realize what's actually happening until it's already over. I feel like sometimes I'm made of stone. I'll be honest - I haven't even cried in MONTHS. It's like things don't even phase me. Right now I feel so alone in life because I've let so much go past me and now I'm just at a roadblock and I can't find my way out. And the worst part of this is that I don't know how to explain what's going on in my head. It's just there. With no words attached to it. All I have is these three songs:

Your Love is Strong
Heavenly Father
You always amaze me
Let Your kingdom come in my world
And in my life

Give me the food I need
To live through today
Forgive me as I forgive
The people that wrong me

Lead me far from temptation
Deliver me from the evil one

I look out the window
The birds are composing
Not a note is out of tune
Or out of place

I walk to the meadow
And stare at the flowers
Better dressed than any girl
On her wedding day

So why should I worry?
Why do I freak out?
God knows what I need
You know what I need!

Your love is
Your love is
Your love is strong

The kingdom of the heavens
Is now advancing
Invade my heart
Invade this broken town

The kingdom of the heavens
Is buried treasure
Would you sell yourself
To buy the one you've found

Two things you told me
That you are strong
And you love me
Yes, you love me

Your love is
Your love is
Your love is strong
Your love is
Your love is
Your love is strong

Our God in Heaven
Hallowed be Thy name
Above all names
Your kingdom come
Your will be done
On earth as it is in Heaven
Give us, today, our daily bread
Forgive us weary sinners
Keep us far from our vices
And deliver us from these prisons

House of God Forever
God is my shepherd
I won’t be wanting
I won’t be wanting

He makes me rest
in fields of green
with quiet streams

Even though I walk
Through the valley
Of death and dying

I will not fear
Cause you are with me
You are with me

Your shepherd’s staff
comforts me
You are my feast
in the presence of enemies
Surely goodness
will follow me
follow me
In the house of God forever

Again
Oh Lord, God of our fathers
this day let it be known
That you Lord,
Are God of the present tense

Oh Lord, Father of history
this day let it be known
That you Lord,
Are present in our human events

Answer me, Oh Lord
Let your people know
That you’re turning our hearts
Back to You…Again

Holy Holy
You alone are true
Holy Holy
You alone are true
Turn us back towards you

blogger.

2008-08-05T17:01:00.001-04:00

This is my last week at The People's Church and it's a very bittersweet experience. I'll admit - at the beginning of the summer, it was a very hard adjustment being back in Franklin, back at TPC, and being away from Cookeville. I've learned a lot here this summer and more than anything, I am so thankful for my co-workers. They have been such a blessing to me. I'll be honest, it's been a rough summer. A lot has happened, a lot of change, and a LOT of commuting!! (gas prices SUCK) But... these ladies have been there for me, even when they don't realize it. They have just taken me under their wing and taught me so much. I'll be so sad to lose them!

:changes:
(always changes...)

Being in your 20's is hard. That's just the truth of it. It flys by so fast that half the time you just hope you survive a semester. I'm in constant prayer about the next step in my life, where I'm moving (always moving!!), my next job, my next set of classes, trying to somewhat plan my life... it's very overwhelming! Not to mention the other people in your life going through the same thing at the same time.

It's the little things that get you through and the little things that remind you that you're not lost, but that you're on a journey. I suppose I'm just going to have to enjoy riding by the seat of pants :)

God is good, all the time. He gives us glimpses of Himself in times when we need them most, and in times of pure joy. AMEN!

doves

2008-08-04T11:34:00.001-04:00

I'm enjoying some wonderful Colin Hay.

"I drink good coffee every morning
Comes from a place that's far away
And when I'm done I feel like talking
Without you here there is less to say
I don't want you thinking I'm unhappy
What is closer to the truth
That if I lived till I was 102
I just don't think I'll ever get over you
I'm no longer moved to drink strong whisky
'Cause I shook the hand of time and I knew
That if I lived till I could no longer climb my stairs
I just don't think I'll ever get over you
Your face it dances and it haunts me
Your laughter's still ringing in my ears
I still find pieces of your presence here
Even after all these years
But I don't want you thinking I don't get asked to dinner
'Cause I'm here to say that I sometimes do
Even though I may soon feel the touch of love
I just don't think I'll ever get over you
If I lived till I was 102
I just don't think I'll ever get over you"

mhmm

2008-08-04T08:48:00.003-04:00

Do you think it's destiny that I left my cell phone charger in Cookeville and won't have it until Sunday? 6 days without my cell phone attached to my hip... interesting.

I'm probably going to take full advantage of that :)

Catch me at work by phone : 615-794-2812 or by email abuzza@thepeopleschurch.org.

appointments

2008-07-30T11:30:00.002-04:00

Yesterday was one of the most important divine appointments of my life. Not because God gave me a prophetic word or God healed someone or something... but because it was a different kind of miracle.

I got a call from my friend Jenny who is living in Nashville. She asked me if I wanted to go to our college ministry, theGathering, that night in Cookeville. I told her I couldn't because I really couldn't afford it and I had so much work to do. Then she called back and said that not only would I be able to go for free but that her mom wanted to pay for our dinner at Outback! So... I took that as a sign that I needed to just go.

When I got to theGathering, God already had began to overcome me. Worship was AMAZING, great, SELFLESS, time of worship with the Lord.. just being able to stand in awe of Him without my own flesh in the way (which I've been struggling with) ... and I just felt the presence of COMFORT for the first time.

After worship, I started to walk toward the back thinking I was going to sit on the couch for a bit and then I saw April Upchurch. When we saw each other.. we both just started crying. We just huggedand then we went outside and honestly just spilled everything.. uninhibited vent/spill session. It's like.. the words just came out without any caution or anything. Both of us. Then we spent a good 30 mins in prayer. It was just amazing. beyond that. just a miracle to me. It's what I needed.. and same for her.

I'm no less confused, but I'm so much more at peace. I know that in God's timing, there will be healing and refreshment to the fullest.

"For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light" -Ephesians 5:8 NIV

.why?.

2008-07-28T10:33:00.001-04:00

What are you suppose to do when you've messed up so bad... but can't fix it? How do you find God's voice when you feel like He's said different things?

Poppies

2008-07-23T17:36:00.002-04:00

Simple as it should be. My life is flashing before my eyes and time is flying so fast that the wind just may carry me away with it. And in the midst of my tears and laughter, I keep reminding myself that as complicated as things may seem, it's vital to make them as simple as it should be.

Whether it's a friend that you don't have to explain yourself to, being fond of monumental memories, re-living times that shaped who you are, or playing in the poppy seeds.... Life is too damn short to waste and wallow in. Life is meaningful and precious and priceless and unique and enchanting and inspiring and beautiful. Appreciating what makes me who I am and holding tightly to the things that matter most. Finding joy in the pits of hell and enjoying the moments that you never, ever want to forget... and feeling full even when you aren't satisfied.

Time Warp!!!

2008-07-20T19:01:00.002-04:00

So last night was Nate and Callie's wedding. It was a beautiful ceremony... it was gorgeous. I felt like I stepped into a time warp from 2 years ago. It was the strangest thing I've ever experienced and I'm still boggled by it. I saw people that I haven't seen since graduation and etc. It made me think so much about life and how things have changed. Ultimately, even in the midst of the weirdness of the night, I feel so blessed. It made me really think about the past 2 years, the last year especially, and how God has transformed me and how my life is 100% different now. And it's all for the better. I never had a close group of friends that I could truly be myself around until I moved to Cookeville. I've found a church that I found my place in, and I have learned so much about myself and life.

I will admit, I am a Franklinite. I was raised in Franklin, TN since preschool and had my fair share of jealousy for the the Franklinite style of life, but unforunately, I never had it. I really never did. I thought I did and I wanted it a lot, but it just never clicked with me. When I was there at the wedding last night just observing everyone and the things going on it really hit me that I don't even want it anymore... I really don't. I am so satisfied with where God has me right now and I am so anxious for where He is taking me.

I couldn't be any more happier with where I'm at right now. It was great to see some familiar faces and to catch up and such, but it was good to go home afterwards.

Half the time we're gone and we don't know where....

2008-07-17T01:05:00.001-04:00

I'm in love with Simon & Garfunkel right now. AMEN.

He loves us...

2008-07-10T00:06:00.002-04:00

I'm obsessed with the song, "How He loves us" right now... it's rocking my world.

"He is jealous for me,
Loves like a hurricane, I am a tree,
Bending beneath the weight of his wind and mercy.
When all of a sudden,
I am unaware of these afflictions eclipsed by glory,
And I realise just how beautiful You are,
And how great Your affections are for me.

And oh, how He loves us so,
Oh how He loves us,
How He loves us so

Yeah, He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.
Yeah, He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves us,
Oh how He loves.

We are His portion and He is our prize,
Drawn to redemption by the grace in His eyes,
If grace is an ocean, we’re all sinking.
So Heaven meets earth like a sloppy wet kiss,
And the heart turns violently inside of my chest,
I don’t have time to maintain these regrets,
When I think about, the way…"

Truly

2008-07-07T00:04:00.001-04:00

"My dear children, let's not just talk about love: Let's practice real love. This is the only way we'll know we're living truly, living in God's reality." (-1 John 3:18)

I'm feeling the deep confusion that comes from being in your 20's. School, my career, who I am, marriage, family, growing up, fast-paced change... all of it. I feel so prepared for life and what it brings, but I am deeply wrestling with God on where my place in all of it is. I am so excited about what the next year is going to bring in Cookeville and I'm preparing everyday for my move back to Nashville. I'm praying everyday for guidance in the little things.

Things to be thankful for:
-my family ... they are wonderful :)
-freedom in all areas of life... physically, mentally, spiritually, emotionally...
-spending time with a certain someone that has made me happier than I have ever been
-seeing my childhood friend that reminds me of who I was, am, and always will be :)
-new plans for the fall
-seeing people that I care about

Distance

2008-07-01T23:26:00.002-04:00

Long time, no see.

I guess I've had SO much going on that I haven't known what to even write about. Right now I'm re-reading Too Busy Not to Pray by Bill Hybels... a genius. It's absolutely incredible. He's a great writer, very eloquent, fast paced, but doesn't skip the good parts if you know what I mean. I'm hoping I can rely on my prayer more than I do on hoping that I hear God.. because you can't hear Him if you don't ever listen! haha You'd think I'd realize that... right? :)

I feel so awkward these days. So much is going on and I feel pulled in a lot of different directions. I'm kind of on sensory overload, ya know?

I'm trying to weed through all the crap and find what is really in front of me.

.vaca.

2008-06-19T23:49:00.002-04:00

Saturday = vacation
(i can't wait!!)

Got the new Coldplay album and the new Tristan Prettyman album... thumbs up for both! Coldplay always surprises me with a new sound and I'm really enjoying it despite a friend's boo on it. Well boo on you!

I'm heading to Oak Island off of North Carolina with the fam to visit my uncle and get some much needed beach time. I'm totally stoked to get burnt, eat good food, play & make sandcastles, ride bikes, laugh at my amazingly honest family (gee... I wonder where I get it??) and to just RELAX.

Can you believe that it's already the middle of June??? It's nuts how time flys.

Things to be happy about:
-having the sweet babies smile all day today
-my wonderful sister and future brother being the best roomies ever
-great friends that are supportive
-new music downloads
-a paycheck :)
-seeing someone I miss

"The whole difference between construction and creation is exactly this: that a thing constructed can only be loved after it is constructed; but a thing created is loved before it exists." -Charles Dickens

unbelief

2008-06-16T11:14:00.004-04:00

Lately I've been reading through scripture and just letting it soak in. I've been reading the same verses over and over again... letting God reveal Himself through them and I'm determined not to move on until I feel like I really understand it.

John 10: 24-39
"The Jews gathered around him, saying, "How long will you keep us in suspense? If you are the Christ, tell us plainly."
Jesus answered, "I did tell you, but you do not believe. The miracles I do in my Father's name speak for me, but you do not believe because you are not my sheep. My sheep listen to my voice; I know them, and they follow me. I give them eternal life, and they shall never perish; no one can snatch them out of my hand. My Father, who has given them to me, is greater than all; no one can snatch them out of my Father's hand. I and the Father are one."
Again the Jews picked up stones to stone him, but Jesus said to them, "I have shown you many great miracles from the Father. For which of these do you stone me?"
"We are not stoning you for any of these," replied the Jews, "but for blasphemy, because you, a mere man, claim to be God."
Jesus answered them, "Is it not written in your Law, 'I have said you are gods'? If he called them 'gods,' to whom the word of God came—and the Scripture cannot be broken— what about the one whom the Father set apart as his very own and sent into the world? Why then do you accuse me of blasphemy because I said, 'I am God's Son'? Do not believe me unless I do what my Father does. But if I do it, even though you do not believe me, believe the miracles, that you may know and understand that the Father is in me, and I in the Father." Again they tried to seize him, but he escaped their grasp."

There's so much packed into this, so I'll try to compress it to something semi-short. These verses have crushed me in the past few days in the most amazing way. Here's all the things I've been learning:

1) Just in the first few verses, you see them almost demanding Christ for an answer. "How long will you keep us in suspense? Just tell us plainly..." So many times we demand answers from God and expect Him to just SAY IT! We want to know now. God doesn't work that way. It's not about us. It's not all about us knowing it all. God makes everything beautiful in its own time. Maybe if we took two seconds to stop demanding answers and actually listen... we would hear Him.
2) Jesus' sheep - what an amazing thing. Sheep cling to their shephard and only listen to Him and the shephard can only lead those who follow. He can't force them. But the relationship with His flock cannot be duplicated or fabricated. If we cling to Him, we would be able to know His voice and He can know ours.
3) Jesus says that even if they don't believe in Him that they should believe in His miracles. Gosh that is so true. Sometimes we don't see God and we can't see where He is or what He's doing right then, but it doesn't mean He isn't there. Looking at what He has done in the past and knowing how He is moving in others proves to us that He is real. He is working. He is never absent. In our weakness, we still have the hope of how He is changing lives. We depend so much on seeing God instead of believing in Him.

I've been talking with a couple people about how God has been moving lately. (I'm not going to bore you with all the details...) But this person said, "Amy, you are on the mountain." And although that is amazing to hear and imagine... it really made me think twice. I don't want this to be a mountain. Because that means I have to come down. I realized that this is how God has intended our relationship to be EVERYDAY. This isn't just some high that He wants to take me up to... This is how He wants it all the time. And now it's my job to not faulter and to be diligent and in communication with the Creator of the universe. I have never been at such a place of peace in my life before and I have never felt closer to God and never heard Him like I have in the past couple weeks.. but I do know that I never want it to stop. I am praying everday that this is the building of my foundation and not just something temporary.

Fire Fall Down

2008-06-04T17:56:00.003-04:00

This is officially my new favorite worship song. Watch, listen, take it in!!

Fire Fall Down performed by Chris Tomlin

.love. (not)

2008-06-03T16:54:00.002-04:00

LOVE.
It is the most overused word in the english language. "I love that skirt... I love that movie... I love that computer... I love that desk? (why we love furniture is beyond me...)...I love that girl... I love my new cell phone... I love, I love, I love...

Webster defines love as: to hold dear, to cherish, to feel a lover's passion, devotion, or tenderness for, to thrive in.

Do we hold dear our new cell phone? Do we cherish our new couch? Do we thrive in seeing that new movie?

We want to be a generation of love, but do we even know what love means?

"Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love. This is how God showed his love among us: He sent his one and only Son into the world that we might live through him. This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins. Dear friends, since God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; but if we love one another, God lives in us and his love is made complete in us." -1 John 4:7-12

When will we stop loving the world & starting loving God and the people He created?

Tumble Weeds

2008-05-28T13:17:00.004-04:00

Water, water everywhere. Will we sink? Or will we walk on it?

When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the LORD, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior. (-Isaiah 43:2-3a)

When the disciples saw him walking on the lake, they were terrified. "It's a ghost," they said, and cried out in fear. But Jesus immediately said to them: "Take courage! It is I. Don't be afraid." "Lord, if it's you," Peter replied, "tell me to come to you on the water." "Come," he said. Then Peter got down out of the boat, walked on the water and came toward Jesus. But when he saw the wind, he was afraid and, beginning to sink, cried out, "Lord, save me!" Immediately Jesus reached out his hand and caught him. "You of little faith," he said, "why did you doubt?" And when they climbed into the boat, the wind died down. Then those who were in the boat worshiped him, saying, "Truly you are the Son of God." When they had crossed over, they landed at Gennesaret. And when the men of that place recognized Jesus, they sent word to all the surrounding country. People brought all their sick to him and begged him to let the sick just touch the edge of his cloak, and all who touched him were healed. (-Matthew 24:26-35)

You're my Healer Eres mi Sanador
You hold my every moment Usted cuenta con mi cada momento
You calm my raging seas Usted calma mi asolan los mares
You walk with me through fire Usted camina conmigo a través de fuego
And heal all my disease Y curar todas mis enfermedades
I trust in You Confío en ti
I trust in You Confío en ti
I believe You're my Healer Creo que Tú eres mi Sanador
I believe You are all I need Creo que Usted es todo lo que necesita
I believe You're my Portion Creo que Tú eres mi Porción
I believe You're more than enough for me Creo que Tú eres más que suficiente para mí Jesus
You're all I need Jesús Tú eres todo lo que necesita
My Healer, You're my Healer Mi Healer, Tú eres mi Sanador
Nothing is impossible for You Nada es imposible para ti
Nothing is impossible for You Nada es imposible para ti
Nothing is impossible for You Nada es imposible para ti
You hold my world in Your hands Usted cuenta con mi mundo en sus manos

No Such Thing

2008-05-18T17:04:00.002-04:00

things to be thankful for:
-the incredible weather (rain & all...)
-a wonderful job
-living with my best friend & twin sister Andrea
-spending time with family (always much needed)
-the sweet, sweet man in my life :)
-good relaxation
-time with friends who have been dearly missed
-great sermons from Steve Tiebout

I am far beyond blessed. I am slowly beginning to realize the important things in life and I feel as though I am seeing a glimpse of what the Lord has in store for the future. Even in the midst of the craziness which is my life, I still see so much joy in all the things I do and God has renewed my passion for things I thought I had lost. It's amazing how that works out. And I do have to say that there is a certain someone that plays a role in all this and has begun to steal my heart away.

High Life

2008-05-14T16:01:00.002-04:00

I have had a landslide of coffee today. And it still doesn't seem like enough. It's become my best friend these days, especially when no one else seems to be around. I'm sitting at Meridee's, one of my favorite Franklin-ite spots. I have slowly began to realize that I'm caught in the middle of my past, a Franklin-ite, and my present, average jane. Franklin goes to my deepest roots, my instincts, dreams, eyes, everything. But now that I've been away from it for about a year now, I realize what a subculture it really is and that this is WAY more to life than being from Franklin. It's like freakin' Hollywood or something... it's just so "cool" to have Williamson County on your license plate. It's like you're royalty or something. Yes, there are some amazing things about Franklin. It's a very unique place. But it isn't the only place. Somehow I'm stuck somewhere in between.

I seem to be "stuck" a lot of places lately. I don't really feel like anything is in my hands. Maybe that's the way it's suppose to be, who knows. Apathy is probably my worst enemy right now.

"There's a night life falling down on me
I just feel like a change
Beneath the sun in summer,
a sea of flowers won't bloom without the rain
But oh, this desert life, this high life
Here at the dying of the day
I wasn't made for this scene"

Recent

2008-05-11T02:14:00.006-04:00

Current songs:
"All I Need" by Mat Kearney
"The Only Living Boy in New York" by Simon & Garfunkel
"Come on, Come out" by A Fine Frenzy
"High Life" by Counting Crows
"Sea of Love" by Cat Power
"Open Your Eyes" by Snow Patrol
"Coffee and Cigarettes" by Augustana

Also.. I finally designed a logo for my photographs. Take a look.

I miss this.

.new.

2008-05-06T12:49:00.000-04:00

*new job
*new town
*new apt

*missing people (jeff & others)
*missing the old job
*missing c-ville

Overall, change sucks. But it couldn't be any better than this right now.

.libre.

2008-04-14T00:23:00.004-04:00

These are photographs taken by Shoot-Your-Heart-Out[photography] and the artist is JenaMarie Gray. She's my best friend and I miss her dearly. We've missed each other so much lately... I've been reminiscing lately of our good times together and pray that we can see each other soon. Money sucks :( Her work inspires me to be a better photographer.

The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases;
his mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
"The LORD is my portion," says my soul,
"therefore I will hope in him."
The LORD is good to those who wait for him,
to the soul who seeks him.
It is good that one should wait quietly
for the salvation of the LORD.
(-Lamentations 3:22-26)

His love is strong.

.STRONG.

(strong)

It is so easy to underestimate Him. I do it everyday. I do things and think things that are counter to His character. Our Lord wants to preserve us, love us, comfort us, carry us, weep for us, guide us, walk with us. He wants to be our everything.

I will openly admit, sometimes... I don't want Him to be everything. I want to figure it out on my own, I want to make my own decisions, I don't want to feel tied down by rules or regulations that I feel are over me. I want to be free.

God set me free. (I just didn't realize it.)

There is more freedom, ambition, desire, beauty, understanding, honor, trust, ability; everything is increased in Christ.

So why did I ever doubt it? Why do I freak out sometimes? He knows what I need, He knows what I want, He knows it all.

Your love is strong.

No Rain

2008-03-19T23:22:00.003-04:00

All I can say is that my life is pretty plain I like watchin' the puddles gather rain And all I can do is just pour some tea for two and speak my point of view But it's not sane, It's not sane I just want someone to say to me I'll always be there when you wake Ya know I'd like to keep my cheeks dry today, hey So stay with me and I'll have it made

This is one of my favorite songs. I remember my babysitter Tracy getting us to watch the video all the time saying, "Look girls, it's another Buzza Bee!" She's a little hippie girl that has so much courage. She dances in a talent show on stage and gets booed off. She runs offstage and ends up running in the streets upset and distraught. Then she makes friends with people on the street and becomes inspired to move on. She finds an escape in a field and people also dressed in bee outfits dance with her and she's so happy. I have so many fond memories of this music video because I too was the little hippie girl with funny glasses and hair wraps and tons of uniqueness built into my character. To this day, I have that song on almost every mix of mine.

In life we all desire relationships. It could be a closeness with a sibling, parent, friend, boyfriend/girlfriend, boss, co-worker, roommate, anything. We were built to have human interaction. The world can become such a dark place when you feel like you are too complicated or too different or too whatever to relate with other people. And sometimes it's not even about relating, it's about someone appreciating and cherishing your matchless traits. It can become very easily to feel torn down by others or even by yourself.

But the reality is that our uniqueness is the second most beautiful thing in the world. No one ever ends up the same. There are an infinite number of different equations that make up human personalities and experiences and we can never know them all. They are unexplainable. They are unfathomable. They are special.

The first most beautiful thing is the love story of God for His people. The beauty of how God has crafted us as individuals to all come together for one purpose: to worship him. No one ever comes to the Father in the same way, but He loves us all equally. That blows my mind.

The fact of the matter is this: We sometimes allow ourselves to become brainwashed by what the world has to offer to us. We have this sensory overload that blinds us in the end. We allow more and more stuff to invade our minds and hearts that end up killing our outlooks on life and God. In the midst of all the junk we let in, God is holding a microscope right in front of us telling us that life is such a wonderful thing. The kicker is that we have to look hard enough to find it and let God give us the vision He has for us. Life is more than worth living, it's worth exceeding in.

(my latest artwork)

Waiting for my real life to begin.

2008-03-09T22:58:00.004-05:00

Any minute now, my ship is coming in
I'll keep checking the horizon
I'll stand on the bow, feel the waves come crashing
Come crashing down down down, on me

And you say, be still my love
Open up your heart
Let the light shine in
But don't you understand
I already have a plan
I'm waiting for my real life to begin

When I awoke today, suddenly nothing happened
But in my dreams, I slew the dragon
And down this beaten path, and up this cobbled lane
I'm walking in my old footsteps, once again
And you say, just be here now
Forget about the past, your mask is wearing thin
Let me throw one more dice
I know that I can win
I'm waiting for my real life to begin

Any minute now, my ship is coming in
I'll keep checking the horizon
And I'll check my machine, there's sure to be that call
It's gonna happen soon, soon, soon
It's just that times are lean

And you say, be still my love
Open up your heart, let the light shine in
Don't you understand
I already have a plan
I'm waiting for my real life to begin

.love.

2008-03-04T11:36:00.002-05:00

**I got this from my friend, MICHELLE CANTO, and I absolutely needed to post it as well... it seems to be very fitting for my life right now. Thanks Moosh!!!!

The following is a devotional written by Margaret D. Mitchell.

“Love never fails.” ~ I Corinthians 13:8

In order for something to never fail, it must be strong. It mustn’t wear out. Ever. It must endure through every test, every trial, every season of time, every hill, every valley, every personality. Only God is this kind of love.

Kingdom love begins with an outpouring from God to us, then through us to others. In this way, the process of love is cyclical and is the foundation and motivation upon which and through which every Godly thing is built.

I am amazed at what God can do with a clean slate—a desperate and surrendered heart. Have you ever noticed that when God gives us a directive, the first thing that comes is fear?

This is because the directive or mandate He is giving us is bigger than we, our knowledge bank, our previous experience, our vision and the current capacity of our hearts. It’s bigger than anything we know at that moment. Indeed, we serve a very big God who has very big plans. And the enemy tries to use fear to thwart those plans on earth so that he can reign.

When we turn to God with a willing heart, He showers His love upon us and restores us. It is from His infilling of revelation, instruction and joyful power that we accomplish new things for God. When fear comes to arrest us, we must choose which master we will serve.

God has rescued me many times from irrational fears and has taken me to heights that I could not imagine on my own by simply giving me a willing heart and a resounding “Yes” in my spirit.

When He first called me to begin to minister to people in my workplace, I felt terrified. Sharing the love of God was the most frightening thing He could’ve asked me to do at that time because I had such a bad case of fear of man.

But God was about to break that bondage in my life and restore me to love. He opened my eyes to see that the reverential fear of God He placed within me was greater than the fear of man within me. This overwhelming reverential fear rose up and catapulted me into the new move God had for me.

As I journeyed through this new calling and saw this new level of God’s amazing love consistently, I also saw that fear of man become extinct within me. In time, I came to understand the process of Kingdom love.

How about you? Have you noticed that just when you feel accomplished in any particular area, like in your career or certain relationships, God soon raises the bar? When God calls us out of our comfort zones, the familiar areas that reside within us—whether good or bad—it’s not for the purpose of harming us. It’s to prosper us and others and Him.

When we step up to God’s divine callings, laying down all encumbrances, including self, and thereby receive more of Him, He gives us increased opportunities to sow and receive more love. The more we get from Him, the more we can give to others. And the more we give, the more we get. God’s abundant love never runs out.

In this way, Kingdom love is not selfish. It is a generous and perpetual process of sowing and reaping, of nourishing and replenishing for the purpose of building God’s Kingdom on earth.

Kingdom love pivots our hearts, fills our lives and elevates our spiritual walk. May we choose a resounding yes to trusting God in this journey so that His love will captivate us and enable us to build His Kingdom on earth.

Castaway

2008-02-27T23:11:00.002-05:00

This is a song written and recorded by Patrick Mayberry. He goes to the River with me and is the worship intern and leads worship at The Gathering, our college ministry. Not only am I endorsing him because his album just came out, but this song describes exactly what I'm going through in my head right now and just in my life. You can listen to it at www.myspace.com/patrickmayberry. Here's the lyrics:

Castaway
For what reason do I breathe?
Is it for you or is it for me?
You claim to be my Father,
You call me your son.
But how can you love me
after all that I've done?

Are you the only one to hold me
In this life I'm stumblin' through?
Can you carry me through this empty
Castaway life I'm stranded to?

Is it strange that I lie here awake
wonderin' why?
Oh this grace that they say you give,
Can it cover this life that I live?

Are you the only one to hold me
In this life I'm stumblin' through?
Can you carry me through this empty
Castaway life I'm stranded to?

La Verdad

2008-02-25T10:41:00.007-05:00

It's almost spring. I feel that way about the weather, and I feel that way about life. Although things have been rocky and unpredictable and wavering so rapidly, there's a new breeze blowing. And it's definitely a good one.

Truth seems to be something that comes in the far and few, especially when it comes to touchy subjects. It's easy to just throw up your hands and say, "It's all relative...."

If you have never heard of Focus on the Family's The Truth Project, and you want to just know more... This is definitely how to start. It has changed my life forever. I think it's a great way to dig deep and really discover what is really out there and what is really true. I have been stretched in so many ways because of this study. Check out their website at: www.thetruthproject.org and learn more!!

What is Focus on the Family's
The Truth Project^®?

In a recent study, the Barna Research Group revealed a stunning statistic that continues to reverberate throughout the evangelical world. Only 9 percent of professing Christians have a biblical worldview.¹

Because of this, today's believers live very similarly to non-believers. A personal sense of significance is rarely experienced, we spend our money and time on things that fail to satisfy and we begin to wonder what life's ultimate purpose really is. We are, in short, losing our bearings as a people and a nation.

To counter this slide within the body of Christ, we are launching one of the most ambitious and powerful projects in the history of our ministry—Focus on the Family's The Truth Project.

The Truth Project is a DVD-based small group curriculum comprised of 12 one-hour lessons taught by Dr. Del Tackett. This home study is the starting point for looking at life from a biblical perspective. Each lesson discusses in great detail the relevance and importance of living the Christian worldview in daily life.

We believe this one project represents the possibility for exponential change within the body of Christ, as we expect that thousands will be transformed by this curriculum. As it has been throughout history, God continues to call ordinary people to make an eternal difference in our world.

Hope for the Hopeless

2008-02-18T23:38:00.008-05:00

Where do we honestly run in the face of despair? Between the disaster in Lafayette, things in my personal life, and the pain I see in our community, it is SO easy to just curl up in a ball and FORGET. I try so hard to forget the pain and to try to just move on, or even just let it lie and sit in my sorrows. Lately, I'll admit, I've lost some hope. But the reality is that all it comes down to is [sitting at the feet of the cross and remembering.] Remembering the pain that has already been laid on Him, the despair felt by His followers, by His mother, and by His best friends, and most of all... by His Father.

He endured it all to give us life, not pain. We all still experience pain, but it isn't a hopeless situation, and it is NOT a hopeless life. Jesus restores us. He revives us. He breathes life in lifeless times. He waters the ground we walk on. He gives light. He reveals beauty in disaster. He is pro-life.

"A joyful heart is good medicine, but a broken spirit dries bones." Proverbs 17:22

Awaken our souls, lead us to Your light
Take these dry bones and give them life
With Your mighty hand, lead us to Your throne
We bow our knees to You alone, to You alone

Make us a mighty army
Teach us to declare Your glory to the world...to the world
Jesus is a banner we wave
You are the only one who can save, Jesus

Breathe, breathe in me, breathe in me, breathe in me.
Breathe in us.

Can you imagine?

2008-02-11T23:15:00.000-05:00

We have a hunger to be significant. It causes a jealous eye and WILL destroy us. Where is our hunger? Do we long for Him more than we hunger for significance? Do we allow Him to be our satisfaction instead of our duty? Do we place Him as #1 or do we allow other things to compete with Him for first?

These are the questions that ROCK MY BRAIN. I can't fathom them. I can't even begin to understand the mystery of the Holy Trinity and that we should bind His word in the forefront of our minds. Our hunger for significance is God-given, but is it God-raised? Or self-raised?

Isaiah 55

Invitation to the Thirsty

1 "Come, all you who are thirsty,
come to the waters;
and you who have no money,
come, buy and eat!
Come, buy wine and milk
without money and without cost.

2 Why spend money on what is not bread,
and your labor on what does not satisfy?
Listen, listen to me, and eat what is good,
and your soul will delight in the richest of fare.

As He increases, we shall decrease. (He is the only one sufficient to save us.)

He is the only one sufficient to save us.

Devastation in Lafeyette, TN

2008-02-09T23:09:00.000-05:00

I was honored to travel to Lafeyette, TN today with about forty others to begin the long recovery from the tornadoes that hit the town. We worked hard and cleared a lot of trees, picked up debris, and spoke with people who lost their homes. It was a beautiful day and I was telling my friend, "Wow, the Lord blessed us with the wind!" But then she replied, "Yeah, but the wind is what caused all of this." What a statement of reality. As a looked around and snapped a few pictures, I realized how incredibly powerful all of this was. The amazing thing is that everyone was in such good spirits. No one complained and everyone was working so hard just to make things feasible. We weren't even able to get on the worst streets to help because at this point, they're still missing four people. While we were there today, they found two! Praise the Lord. But the devastation still has outweighed the positive thus far. Today really opened my eyes and made me re-think how much we take for granted. I know that it seems simple, but you can picture in your head how bad you think it is, but it's worse. There are no real words to truly depict the situation. Prayer has been an important necessity the past few days as a few of my friends sort what's left and help support others they know to try to repair the lives they lost.

Some of my favorite photographs

2008-02-08T15:53:00.000-05:00

There's many, many more to come. I love taking photographs, but I'm still learning a lot. Here's a few of my favorites. Please don't steal them!!!

Divine Romance

2008-02-08T11:42:00.000-05:00

When you realize that you already have all that you need, it's hard to try to hold on to it for as long as you can. You know the feeling can't last forever because so much stands in the way, but I wish I could just bask in the joy of this for a while.

I'm missing home. Bad. And I'm not even exactly sure on all the reasons or why this all came about, but Nashville is calling my name and I just want to answer. I'm hoping I can find a time to make an escape.

The fullness of Your grace is here with me

The richness of Your beauty’s all I see

The brightness of Your glory has arrived

In Your presence God, I’m completely satisfied

For You I sing I dance

Rejoice in this divine romance

Lift my heart and my hands

To show my love, to show my love

A deep deep flood, an Ocean flows from You

Of deep deep love, yeah it’s filling up the room

Your innocent blood, has washed my guilty life

In Your presence God I’m completely satisfied

A New Beginning

2008-02-08T00:37:00.000-05:00

So here I am... almost a year later. Things are so different now and to be honest, I completely forgot I even had this blog.

I live in Cookeville now... and I absolutely love it. I work for The River Community Church and I'm getting pretty deep into my sociology classes now and it's wonderful.

God has completely transformed me. It almost makes me laugh a bit to read some of these old blogs and see how far things have gone since last time I was here. I hope I can keep up with this because I think it's important.

There is much, much more ahead.

STAY TUNED!

Banging on Keys

2007-04-18T21:07:00.000-04:00

The separation of truth and falsity perplexes me. When you only see a blur of a figure it's almost impossible to determine how to react. Brokenness invades. I don't want it. It's not meant to be like this: I know that we all pay for our mistakes. There is a significance to the eternal, unconditional, genuine love that has flooded over me. But that doesn't take away pain just yet. I'm still in waiting.

2007-04-12T16:30:00.000-04:00

2007-04-05T11:12:00.000-04:00

An adventure to the heart land. Over the past couple weeks, I've found my heart.

2007-03-26T10:08:00.000-04:00

It's officially summer. I don't care what people say, I know it's March.. but it's summer. This is way too hot to be spring.

Over the past weekend I realized how incredibly selfish I can be. It was like, this angry beast at its worst. I know that everyone has some selfishness in them, and that it's an urge you have to fight. I've been fighting.

But now it's done.

I don't have to fight anymore.

KNOW WHY?

I actually let it all go. Sunday morning at the People's Church of SpringHill, we had one of the all-time best worship sets ever. God was filling the room with His conviction, and more than anything, joy. It was so joyful. The words God had for me weren't exactly cupcakes and rainbows, but it was real. And it was what I needed to hear from Him. He has a great way of answering us even when we cover our ears. I can't disengage my heart.

It's a new week, with new flowers, and a new moon.

Lauryn Hill says it better than I do:

"and I thank you for choosing me to come through unto life to be a beautiful reflection of his grace"

Everything Starts Where it Ends

2007-03-23T16:17:00.000-04:00

"Learn to love the ways you are
Beautiful and broken heart
If perfect wounds won't leave a scar then
Everything will."
-Lovedrug

I miss this man. tremendously. I've needed him so much. The past couple weeks have been hell and all I want is to be in his arms again.

It's amazing how much I've let the material things suck me in. Money, cars, clothing, body image: it's all B.S. but I always let it tear me apart. I know that things are not the way they seem and that what I have it wonderful, but I can't help but fall into solitude when everything comes crashing down.

I miss him.

Cinderella

2007-03-21T16:35:00.000-04:00

These are the beautiful children I live with. Annabelle teaches me everyday that it is so important to be treated like a princess. And Frank.. well.... he's just one huge teddy bear that can make my day just by smiling at me.

The first time I watched Frank since I've been living here I had painted my nails, and I was moving them to get them to dry. Now whenever I see him, he greets me by shaking his hands violently and smiling. It's the best.

The weather has reminded me how incredibly beautiful God is. He shows himself everywhere.

And these kids show me everyday how much it means to be loved and to be loving. They're a challenge, that's for sure, but at the end of the day, Annabelle always gives me a kiss and hug goodnight.

I'm dedicating 20 minutes to the weather. Just pure silence and admiration of how incredibly gorgeous it is outside.

I've been listening to this song non-stop today. It it dedicated to Mr. Ben.

"Dig"
We all have a weakness
But some of ours are easier to identify.
Look me in the eye
And ask for forgiveness;
We'll make a pact to never speak that word again
Yes you are my friend.
We all have something that digs at us,
At least we dig each other
So when weakness turns my ego up
I know you'll count on the me from yesterday
If I turn into another
Dig me up from under what is covering
The better part of me
Sing this song
Remind me that we'll always have each other
When everything else is gone.
We all have a sickness
That cleverly attaches and multiplies
No matter how hard we try.
We all have someone that digs at us,
At least we dig each other
So when sickness turns my ego up
I know you'll act as a clever medicine.
If I turn into another
Dig me up from under what is covering
The better part of me.
Sing this song!
Remind me that we'll always have each other
When everything else is gone.
Oh each other....
When everything
Else is gone.

2007-03-20T23:37:00.000-04:00

Good night sun. It has been a long day. I have nowhere to go, but some place to be. My heart is screaming for a settlement, but my head is already there. Sometimes you just need a sunset to remind you that we need to rest.

Lately my mind has gone in a million directions, but it's all lead to one place. I have to get back to Him. I have to return to where I belong: in His arms. I've missed them. I want those large, loving, huge arms back around me. Why I even left them in the first place I don't know.

But it's good to be home.

So good night sun, and good night love, I have places to be in my dreams.