meditation

In the past few days, so much has been swirling in my head. I've been overwhelmed with emotion, which I usually don't even have. A lot of people tend to think of me as insensitive sometimes and I'll admit... I'm quick to just "get over it." But I haven't lately. Not in the least bit. I'm not dwelling on one particular thing or issue... but I can't seem to get a hold of my thoughts. (If that makes sense at all.) But I've been listening to the seasons of Jon Foreman. He's the lead singer of Switchfoot. He took a break from the band and came out with four EPs; one for each season. They are incredible. I've been meditating on three specific songs and they have really spoken to me. The basis for his EPs, at least how I've interpreted them, is all about just... feeling alive. Feeling God's presence... feeling pain... feeling joy... just living life in the moment and actually taking in what's going on in that particular time of life.

I've come to realize that a lot of times I just fly by life and I don't even blink to realize what's actually happening until it's already over. I feel like sometimes I'm made of stone. I'll be honest - I haven't even cried in MONTHS. It's like things don't even phase me. Right now I feel so alone in life because I've let so much go past me and now I'm just at a roadblock and I can't find my way out. And the worst part of this is that I don't know how to explain what's going on in my head. It's just there. With no words attached to it. All I have is these three songs:

Your Love is Strong
Heavenly Father
You always amaze me
Let Your kingdom come in my world
And in my life

Give me the food I need
To live through today
Forgive me as I forgive
The people that wrong me

Lead me far from temptation
Deliver me from the evil one

I look out the window
The birds are composing
Not a note is out of tune
Or out of place

I walk to the meadow
And stare at the flowers
Better dressed than any girl
On her wedding day

So why should I worry?
Why do I freak out?
God knows what I need
You know what I need!

Your love is
Your love is
Your love is strong

The kingdom of the heavens
Is now advancing
Invade my heart
Invade this broken town

The kingdom of the heavens
Is buried treasure
Would you sell yourself
To buy the one you've found

Two things you told me
That you are strong
And you love me
Yes, you love me

Your love is
Your love is
Your love is strong
Your love is
Your love is
Your love is strong

Our God in Heaven
Hallowed be Thy name
Above all names
Your kingdom come
Your will be done
On earth as it is in Heaven
Give us, today, our daily bread
Forgive us weary sinners
Keep us far from our vices
And deliver us from these prisons

House of God Forever
God is my shepherd
I won’t be wanting
I won’t be wanting

He makes me rest
in fields of green
with quiet streams

Even though I walk
Through the valley
Of death and dying

I will not fear
Cause you are with me
You are with me

Your shepherd’s staff
comforts me
You are my feast
in the presence of enemies
Surely goodness
will follow me
follow me
In the house of God forever

Again
Oh Lord, God of our fathers
this day let it be known
That you Lord,
Are God of the present tense

Oh Lord, Father of history
this day let it be known
That you Lord,
Are present in our human events

Answer me, Oh Lord
Let your people know
That you’re turning our hearts
Back to You…Again

Holy Holy
You alone are true
Holy Holy
You alone are true
Turn us back towards you